Before I used to go out every night and look at the moon. I stare at it, imagining we’re looking at the same moon and it made me felt like I’m close to you.  It felt like it’s our stolen moment from our busy, far away world and at the same time, it gives me the feeling of holding your hand against my chest, letting you feel that it beats just for you.  Sometimes I can’t help but feel like the moon shines even brighter every time I look up. It’s like taking some of my love energy and it radiates what  I feel directly to you, wherever you were.
Too bad you were looking somewhere else.
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My friend told me today that marry not the one you love, but the one who loves you.

She’s miserable as ever because she wanted to leave her husband who does nothing but hurt her emotionally. A husband whom she thought who’d love her no matter what past she had but turned out to be the one who will keep digging up her pasts and shoved it down her throat every time he gets the opportunity.

They married at the young age.  She said she was blinded by love. And she still blinds herself with something to keep the marriage going, to stay beside him, to see that beautiful thing that made her fall in love some years ago. But the more hurt she felt, the more she feels that the person she’s with wasn’t the person she fell in love with.

Our teary conversation ended when her husband showed up. Too bad, I wanted to give her a hug because that’s all I could give her. But with her husband around, nah. He’ll be suspecting something’s up. That maybe his wife is talking again.

If Superman really existed-which I believed when I was little – he must have decided to retire early because he grew tired of trying to save the world. That’s because every single person on this planet needed his mighty help.

25/04/2009

“Love can only be found through the act of loving…Even if loving meant leaving, or solitude, or sorrow, love is worth every penny of its price.” —Paulo Coelho

Spicy revelation

24/04/2009

In between trying to chow down the most spicy food we ever ate plus hot fries and wiping our tears from the painful effect of the Indian food, my eldest sister revealed to me and the rest of the girls that my mom had hit her countless times when we we’re still young. That mom’s hands would come out of nowhere and just slap her face for no reason at all; or she would beat her to death with the infamous two-by-two wood which all of us could never hide; or anything she’d laid her hands on would surely hit you square to the face or anywhere you wished it wouldn’t.

All this time I was busy licking my own wounds when it hit me: I wasn’t the only one who got scars from the past. I wasn’t the only one who’s had scars inflicted by the one you would most likely trust your life with but turns out otherwise. All this time, it wasn’t just about me.

Taking the cue, I talked about some of the horrible things mom did to me while my three younger sisters laugh their butts off. They find it funny, really. Maybe the way I talked about it. I told them it wasn’t funny at all. It’s something that traumatized all of us but will be forever hidden beneath our scars. They are quite lucky enough they never experienced such thing from their childhood.

Well, after years of silence, it’s good to hear that I wasn’t alone and everything I’ve gone through wasn’t entirely my own journey. I just never realized that it would take one spicy meal for our eldest sister to finally speak up something like that. Maybe I could bring her again sometime to eat the same spicy food to make her talk some more.

love is…

20/04/2009

“Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it will always take us somewhere… We have to take love where to find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness.” Paulo Coelho

oh, not again!

20/04/2009

someone

unintentionally

broke my heart.

not your fault, though

i just didn’t know

i’d be feeling this way