thinking…

29/03/2009

what do i want to write today?

i got heaps of stuffs in my head i don’t know which one to jot down, which one to just get off my mind.

but most of the time, what occupies my busy mind is the plan of travelling the whole damn world but i might first need to find myself a sugar daddy to finance my so-called dream of endless cruise.

so far, i ain’t got nothing but dreams and empty pocket.

so i will keep dreaming. it won’t hurt.

Europe, Europe. Someday, you'll be mine.

Europe, Europe. Someday, you'll be mine.

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Dahil meron pa rin akong post-FM loss syndrome at dahil na rin hindi ko lubos maisip na hinintay pa atang permanente siyang mawala sa mundong ibabaw bago kilalanin ng ipokritong gobyerno ang lahat ng kanyang naipundar para sa pagpapayaman ng kulturang Pilipino sa pamamagitan ng kanyang musika at iba pang mga paraan, kasama na rin ang ngayon lamang nakarinig ng kanyang mga mensahe sa likod ng kanyang makukulay na awitin na matagal ng naghihintay marinig, heto at muli kong binalikan ang isa sa mga old-school performance ng idolo ng bayan na si Franscis Magalona, a.k.a the Master Rapper,  sa konsiyerto ng isa ring idolong si Gary Valenciano noong 1990 sa kanilang mala-showdown performance sa Ultra.

Halos tumatayo lahat ng balahibo sa buo kong katawan sa tuwing mapapanood ko ang bidyong ito na isa lamang sa mga ebidensya kung gaano kaepektibo ang kanyang musika para mapagsama-sama ang sambayananan na umindak, makisaliw sa kanyang bawat lirika at tumalon sa tuwa na para bang walang problema.

Nawa’y patuloy tayong makisaliw sa kanyang iniwang legasiya, namnamin ang bawat mensahe ng kanyang mga kanta at tingalain ang mga iniwan niyang proyektong habang-buhay na magpapalaganap ng kamalayang tiyak na guguhit sa ating mga puso.

Patuloy akong sasaludo sa’yo, Kiko.

18/03/2009

life’s too short to waste one day– Alicia Keys

memories haunt us

09/03/2009

memory is like a knife. it will hurt you –Thomas Harris

i learned today that there are things you can’t just force yourself to forget no matter how hard you try to.

most memories linked to emotion, whether pleasant or too painful to forget, that is, are the killer for they pester you until you admit to yourself that an ear-to-ear smile you put up to the world everyday wouldn’t mask the heartbreak you feel every time that certain memory comes to surface once in a while.

that no matter how your belly hurts after laughing so hard throughout the day just being with your best friends, at the end of the day when you are all by yourself, alone, walking down to your home or stuck in your room with nothing but a blog like this to pour out all the shitty things that needs to unload from your mind, bitter memories will eventually pop out of nowhere and will haunt you until its not your belly that hurts this time but your heart.

sometimes I’d just choose to sleep to stop the stinging feeling of those memories but it would still find a way to follow me through my dreams that the moment i wake up, the pain lingers.

so yeah, i can’t even sleep without feeling haunted by the those persistent, painful event of my life.

it’s not that i want to forget, have an amnesia and totally forget my entire life or something.

i just want to learn to forget some of it and move on.

but i guess there’s truth on the old saying that selective memory isn’t selective enough.

08/03/2009

dahil pinili ko munang gugulin ang mga unang oras ko sa harap ng computer sa panonood ng tribute sa pumanaw kong idolo na si Francis M, medyo kumalma na ang  init ng ulo ko na kanina pa gustong sumabog.

..na kung mayroon lang akong armalite ay kanina ko pa niratrat ang dambuhala kong boss na walang ginawang maganda sa mundong ito kundi manigaw, hindi makinig sa maayos na pakiusap ng kanyang mga empleyado, manakot ng sisisantehin ang empleyado kapag may pagkakamaling nagawa at inulit pa ito, manisi kahit madalas ay kanya itong kasalanan at ang walang humpay na pagtalsik ng kanyang mala-asidong laway sa tuwing maninigaw sa pinakaabalang oras ng trabaho kaya naman nawawala ang aming konsentrasyon at magmukhang robot na pinagagalaw ng kaniyang mga kumpas at bulyaw.

May araw ka rin, hayup ka!


mainit pa rin ang ulo ko, tangnang yan!middle_finger_flame

Paalam, KikoMaster Rapper

Francis Durango Magalona

October 1964-March 2009

Idolo ng bawat masa.  Ang iyong mga Makabayang awitin at ang pagigigng ehemplo sa pagyakap at walang humpay na pagyabang na isa ka, sampu naming lahat, ay dugong Pinoy hanggang iyong mga huling sandali ang patuloy naming hahanaphanapin at hahangaan. Nakakalungkot ang biglaan mong paglisan ngunit ang mga alaalang iyong iniukit sa bawat kabataan nawa’y patuloy na manalaytay sa aming puso’t isipan

(photo credit: http://francismagalona.multiply.com/journal/item/338/4th_Chemo_Cycle)

Stay

05/03/2009

like air,

that  I can’t touch with my hands

like a streak of light,

a beautiful, wonderful sunlight

like a silhouette,

I’m mesmerized by your beauty

like an empty space,

but always, there is your face

don’t go,

please,

stay here

and take my breath away